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Everyone is allowed to change their mind. She is under no obligation to this stranger.
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Sue wrote:Everyone is allowed to change their mind. She is under no obligation to this stranger. I never said shes obligated to him. My point was the guy did nothing wrong...it sounds like she is blaming the poor guy for being ugly and simply just wanting to get to know her. Poor guy probably never had a date in years and then she said yes to him and he got excited and got his hopes sky high only to get them shut down because she doesnt want him because he's unattractive (she mentions his unattractiveness twice). Just calling it how I see it.
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I think her point was that besides not feeling attracted to him, she felt he was coming on way to strong for just having met her. Granted, he may have been overly excited by the prospect of having an actual date, but he would do well to take a cold shower and not act so *needy* It is a definite turnoff for either sex.
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Sue wrote:I think her point was that besides not feeling attracted to him, she felt he was coming on way to strong for just having met her. Granted, he may have been overly excited by the prospect of having an actual date, but he would do well to take a cold shower and not act so *needy* It is a definite turnoff for either sex. I don't think its a turn-off for guys....from what I have seen guys LOVE it when girls are pushy with him. I would WANT an ultra clingy/needy girl.
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yatterman1 wrote:
I don't think its a turn-off for guys....from what I have seen guys LOVE it when girls are pushy with him. I would WANT an ultra clingy/needy girl.
Oh wow, have I got one for you... unfortunately she lives in Virginia.
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DCNGA wrote:Attractive or unattractive, if a guy had been that rude or 'pushy', I would have told him to get lost.
You hit the nail on the head. Yes he was very pushy and confrontational. I want a guy who is laid back, willing to come closer to me for the date and to a place I am comfortable with and not insult me by saying I'll flake out. He seems very controlling and uptight. He could have valid reasons for his behavior (insecurity, previous rejection, whatever). Frankly I don't care what they are, I just want to be treated a certain way, good looking or not. I was willing to give an unattractive guy a chance but due to his behavior ALONE I am not interested at all. Yatterman you are only seeing what you want to see. You want to prove yourself right no matter how much it hurts you. On a side note, an even more unattractive guy who was also obese said the best thing at speed dating. He said hey if you could talk about one thing for the rest of your life what would it be and I'd love to talk about it. Let me say this was a great strategy amongst all the other boring garbage you can talk about in 4 minutes. He was memorable and made me feel special. I'm not saying it was a love match but I did say yes to him too when on looks alone I never would have. At this stage I am only interested in him on a platonic level but he was charming. You never know what can happen down the road.
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yatterman1 wrote:
Hmm....gee....i wonder why you arnt into him. I mean you mention twice in this post that he is unattractive.....but im SURE that has NOTHING to do with it....
And how DARE a man want to sit down and talk to a girl to get to know her!! *gasp* the nerve of him!!! he should be executed!!! BURN HIM!!! BURN HIM!!!
If i were to go out on a first date with a girl i would want the same thing...to sit down and talk to her to get to know her......guess I should burn at the stake with him, right?
I mentioned his personality more. It was that he wasn't being laid back and going with the date I was comfortable with. He kept arguing it had to be his way. And also that he was unwilling to drive the 1/2 hour distance to me. And the fact that he was pushy and insulting. I think you are being a tad dramatic here with the burn him stuff. You keep looking for evidence to prove your theories even though they are destructive to you. I seriously recommend reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth.
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yatterman1 wrote:
I don't think its a turn-off for guys....from what I have seen guys LOVE it when girls are pushy with him. I would WANT an ultra clingy/needy girl.
thats what you say now..........but 24/7 of that kind of stuff wears you down
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Sue wrote:
thats what you say now..........but 24/7 of that kind of stuff wears you down
Eh...i think we're just viewing it through different eyes. You see it as bad because all your life you've had guys throwing themselves at you...so you just want your space and for guys to leave you alone. Like I bet when a guy goes and hits on you you're all like "oh god, not THIS shit again". Plus you're a female....males want females more than females want males....that's just how it is. Im the polar opposite.......all my life girls have rejected me and wanted me to just go away and not even want me near them....so its only natural, as a male who's been completely deprived of love/affection his whole life, to want tons and tons of it.
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yatterman1 wrote:
Eh...i think we're just viewing it through different eyes. You see it as bad because all your life you've had guys throwing themselves at you...so you just want your space and for guys to leave you alone. Like I bet when a guy goes and hits on you you're all like "oh god, not THIS shit again". Plus you're a female....males want females more than females want males....that's just how it is.
Im the polar opposite.......all my life girls have rejected me and wanted me to just go away and not even want me near them....so its only natural, as a male who's been completely deprived of love/affection his whole life, to want tons and tons of it.
Try a different approach. I thought the strategy of the guy I mentioned was brilliant. Though it would need to be slightly adjusted outside of the speed dating realm.
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cindy79 wrote:
Try a different approach. I thought the strategy of the guy I mentioned was brilliant. Though it would need to be slightly adjusted outside of the speed dating realm.
I've tried pretty much every approach under the sun many times under a wide variety of circumstances....girls just dont give me a chance based on my looks and thats that. I know what I need to do to get a girl and it involves lots of facial plastic surgery ergo why i'm on this forum.
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yatterman1 wrote:
I've tried pretty much every approach under the sun many times under a wide variety of circumstances....girls just dont give me a chance based on my looks and thats that. I know what I need to do to get a girl and it involves lots of facial plastic surgery ergo why i'm on this forum.
Try this guy's approach if you ever do speed dating. See what happens. Also, if you're a reader give that Eckhart Tolle book a chance. It might be enlightening. Build evidence the other way.
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Sue wrote:I think her point was that besides not feeling attracted to him, she felt he was coming on way to strong for just having met her. Granted, he may have been overly excited by the prospect of having an actual date, but he would do well to take a cold shower and not act so *needy* It is a definite turnoff for either sex. Yeah, neediness is one of the absolute least attractive characteristics someone could have. Last year I was dating this guy- sweet, funny, cute, great career, similar interests but he was so bloody needy that it drove me mad. I broke up with him because it was so infuriating and frustrating, even though I really liked everything else about him. Absolute deal breaker.
 Redheads have more fun.
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I think you NEED TO NOTICE what the girl wants to do. Here she is clearly telling the guy she wants to go bowling or do something interactive in a group activity setting. Since he is more interested in her than she with him (which could also be your situation), you need to DEFER to what the girl wants to do if you want the date. Not a matter of being punished or 'executed'. It's a matter of DEFERRING to the signals the gal gives out. yatterman1 wrote:
Hmm....gee....i wonder why you arnt into him. I mean you mention twice in this post that he is unattractive.....but im SURE that has NOTHING to do with it....
And how DARE a man want to sit down and talk to a girl to get to know her!! *gasp* the nerve of him!!! he should be executed!!! BURN HIM!!! BURN HIM!!!
If i were to go out on a first date with a girl i would want the same thing...to sit down and talk to her to get to know her......guess I should burn at the stake with him, right?
I've been having problems with computer since May. I'm on a loaner now and still waiting for a new one. If I don't get back to you or am not on board, it would be most likely due to another computer problem.
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yatterman1 wrote:
Eh...i think we're just viewing it through different eyes. You see it as bad because all your life you've had guys throwing themselves at you...so you just want your space and for guys to leave you alone. Like I bet when a guy goes and hits on you you're all like "oh god, not THIS shit again". Plus you're a female....males want females more than females want males....that's just how it is.
Im the polar opposite.......all my life girls have rejected me and wanted me to just go away and not even want me near them....so its only natural, as a male who's been completely deprived of love/affection his whole life, to want tons and tons of it.
Umm, when did I ever say here that guys were always throwing themselves at me?? (sigh)
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In thinking on this more and even if this guy was good looking I would still cancel the date because I've done it before with better looking guys. Most recently a very good looking guy who only would get together if I drove the hour to see him. I didn't and that's the end of it.
I really do not like the way this guy handled the situation. Even today I got a text asking me the name of the town I live in again so he could find a bowling alley in the middle when I only live 1/2 hour from him. I know 100% if he said sure bowling sounds great, let's meet at the one near you I would have gone.
He didn't respect my boundaries and was pushing me to do something I didn't want to do. I'm glad I didn't back down to his trying to control the date. And now that I've thought on it more I will email him to cancel but I'm sure he'll just think I'm "flaking out" on him.
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MissJ wrote:I think you NEED TO NOTICE what the girl wants to do. Here she is clearly telling the guy she wants to go bowling or do something interactive in a group activity setting. Since he is more interested in her than she with him (which could also be your situation), you need to DEFER to what the girl wants to do if you want the date. Not a matter of being punished or 'executed'. It's a matter of DEFERRING to the signals the gal gives out.
Great points
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Quote:One of the guys I said yes to from speed dating but who wasn't attractive has been emailing me alot and I haven't been too quick in getting back to him because I'm not really into him so I'm not in a rush to get right back to him. In my email to him I had asked him if he had gone to any other events that this organization has and he's like well I went to another speed dating one because this girl I met never got back to me (he was speaking of me and trying to joke I guess). But I'm thinking he needs to back off.
Then I saw him yesterday at another event (not a dating one) and he's like so how often do you check your email, again putting me on the spot that I took 3 days to get back to him instead of immediately....God forbid. So then he's like I want to go out this week. And I'm like ok why don't we go bowling thinking I like interactive dates that are fun. And he's like no we should sit and talk. And I said again I really enjoy fun, interactive dates thinking listen buddy I'm not into you but if we can have fun together and laugh maybe something can develop and grow. And again he insists on drinks at a lounge. So again I say honestly I've been on dozens of dates and I want to do something more interactive and fun thinking there's no chance for us if we just sit and talk. So he's like fine where do you live so I tell him that my town has a bowling alley and he's like well so does mine so we'll find one in the middle. Meanwhile his town is only 30 minutes from me. I'm thinking stop arguing with me, be a gentleman, offer to come to me and don't make me do something I don't want to do when I have no interest in you. And then he keeps saying I know you're going to flake out on me.
Why on earth would I want to go out with this guy? He doesn't offer anything in the looks department but his personality and the way he was acting have really turned me off. Now I really don't want to go and it's tricky because I will absolutely run into him again and he seems to be the angry type. Like if I cancel and tell him he was too pushy or whatever he'll be a jerk to me when i see him again.
I just feel like he's an idiot. If he was good looking this would have been a different story. You would have compromised and went on the date with him. We don't need to debate this anymore. Looks matter more for men than they do for women, it's scientifically proven and I can also attest to it from my own experience. There are exceptions to this rule, But they are exceptions, not the rule itself.
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Yatt, just a word of advice in case you do meet a girl in the bar - if a girl tells you where she wants to go on a date, jump on it. Of course she'll be more inclined to like you doing something she enjoys. And don't be too clingy, it's a major turn off for most people regardless of sex. A little bit of mystery and suspense is good.
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Cindy79, don't call the date off especially if he is the creepy angry type.
Here's what to do: text him back and give him your city and also ask what caliber he will bring to bowling(pin shoot). Tell him this because you can't lend him anything since all your other stuff are shotguns and rifles and he should know are against the rules. If he sounds really surprised or puzzled ask him why, and then introduce him slowly to the sport of bowling pin shoot.
As a side note, this is a real game that is becoming very popular (google it) in the US and the only type of bowling I would personally associate with. However it scares the hell out of everyone not familiar with it and is guaranteed to make him run.
Now at this point I am pretty sure this will be the end of hearing from him and you look/feel like the good one. If unfortuneately he is still interested, mention that you are a bad shot and ended up hurting you previous date pretty badly in the head-but no charges were laid against you since it was a legitimate accident!
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