logo

Help SUPPORT Miss J's Forum by shopping through: Miss J's AMAZON PORTAL

Welcome Guest! To enable all features please Login.
Registrations are CLOSED. Please see this topic for more information.

Notification

Icon
Error

Options
Go to last post Go to first unread
Offline Beholder  
#1 Posted : Saturday, July 1, 2017 4:14:02 PM(UTC)
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 6/2/2014(UTC)
Posts: 61

I am average. Not ugly, though sometimes I do feel that way. My neck is sagging, my hair is thinning. I was pretty for a few years but mostly average my whole life. Those few years of feeling pretty were wonderful. It was fun seeing men turn their heads. Such power! Is that what we are afraid of losing? Well men don't turn their heads anymore. I am invisible. Why is that so terrible? I could have some bad plastic surgery and then the heads will turn again but for the wrong reason. My question is, why are we not accepting natural changes? Are we afraid of not being loved? My family will love me no matter what and my dogs will love me even if I look hideous. Do I want to impress strangers? Old friends? Old boyfriends? Is it beauty-greed? Is this why so many people with bad plastic surgery feel guilt? Just pondering the psyche



Sponsor
If reading these posts has been helpful to you, consider helping out the board by purchasing via my AMAZON PORTAL Sales DIRECTLY from here help defray costs of this board. (Works for US residents only.)
Offline Larazelle  
#2 Posted : Saturday, July 1, 2017 5:00:59 PM(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/12/2008(UTC)
Posts: 2,896
Originally Posted by: Beholder Go to Quoted Post
I am average. Not ugly, though sometimes I do feel that way. My neck is sagging, my hair is thinning. I was pretty for a few years but mostly average my whole life. Those few years of feeling pretty were wonderful. It was fun seeing men turn their heads. Such power! Is that what we are afraid of losing? Well men don't turn their heads anymore. I am invisible. Why is that so terrible? I could have some bad plastic surgery and then the heads will turn again but for the wrong reason. My question is, why are we not accepting natural changes? Are we afraid of not being loved? My family will love me no matter what and my dogs will love me even if I look hideous. Do I want to impress strangers? Old friends? Old boyfriends? Is it beauty-greed? Is this why so many people with bad plastic surgery feel guilt? Just pondering the psyche


Beholder -

How can you even ask those questions. Don't you know that the world is very VISUAL and men (who rule the world till now) have a direct eye/penis link - and people (not just women) who are pleasing to look at get everything just by looking the way they do - unfair, but true. I know beauty is power - on a "cerebral" level but also experientially (unfortunately) - I had terrible acne and oily skin all of my early twenties - plus a bad nose - and life was HARD - even though I had a wonderful husband who loved me inspite of my looks - when I was 28 I had Accutane, dermabrasion and followed it with a nose job - and like magic I entered ANOTHER WORLD - from that day onward I have lived ANOTHER LIFE - AN EASY LIFE!! I have never had a problem getting a job/apartment or making someone fall in love with me. I am not boasting - this is the narrative of most attractive people - unless they have personality issues. There has been research done on this. So WHY would anyone - man or woman want to let go of that? It is loss of power and WHO wants that? I used to worry about that - especially since I had older women tell me when I was 25 that after 30 no-one (meaning men) would look at me - (Happy to report that it did not happen!!) However I have never taken my attractiveness too seriously because I know how fleeting it is - It is wonderful having men turn and look - but the years have taught me that if you really love yourself - have good esteem, friends who truly love you and a person who has a passionate interest in you - being "invisible" to the outside world is not a bad tradeoff. And there is a BIG benefit in NOT being beautiful when one is very young - because you can ONLY GET BETTER with the years - and also most Ugly Ducklings develop their brains and personality before they morph into swans - they also have a good perspective on beauty since they have been on BOTH sides of the fence- and consequently aging is not as hard. My suggestion to you is NOT to fight something that is ingrained in the human psyche and society - and be happy that we luckily live in times like ours - where one can to a certain extent stop the Ravages of Time!!


Offline Vivre  
#3 Posted : Saturday, July 1, 2017 5:01:20 PM(UTC)
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/15/2009(UTC)
Posts: 131
Woman
Location: Europe
Putting words on our fears Dancing (just saw a large white space under the question
Offline Beholder  
#4 Posted : Saturday, July 1, 2017 5:11:27 PM(UTC)
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 6/2/2014(UTC)
Posts: 61
Lazarelle

I feel like crying now because I know what you say is true. I don't want looks to matter but they do. Despite that, there are some very homely and old looking people who are very happy. My grandmothers were like that. I want to be like them but then again no way do I want to look like they did! By the way, I had bad acne and went on accutane also and I felt ugly in my early youth
Offline Hoss  
#5 Posted : Saturday, July 1, 2017 5:11:29 PM(UTC)
Rank: Member

Joined: 1/3/2016(UTC)
Posts: 649
Edit.
Offline Vivre  
#6 Posted : Saturday, July 1, 2017 5:22:37 PM(UTC)
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/15/2009(UTC)
Posts: 131
Woman
Location: Europe
I am also becoming invisible, and I hate it. The only advantage is that I can observe others in public spaces with more freedom.
Offline Larazelle  
#7 Posted : Saturday, July 1, 2017 5:35:17 PM(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/12/2008(UTC)
Posts: 2,896
Being invisible has its benefits - the pressure to "always look good" is off. Also you can eat almond croissants and get fat - lol -
Offline Larazelle  
#8 Posted : Saturday, July 1, 2017 5:37:32 PM(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/12/2008(UTC)
Posts: 2,896
Originally Posted by: Beholder Go to Quoted Post
Lazarelle

I feel like crying now because I know what you say is true. I don't want looks to matter but they do. Despite that, there are some very homely and old looking people who are very happy. My grandmothers were like that. I want to be like them but then again no way do I want to look like they did! By the way, I had bad acne and went on accutane also and I felt ugly in my early youth


No need to waste time crying. As I said before we are lucky to have help, so old age is not as sad or scary.

Offline Beholder  
#9 Posted : Saturday, July 1, 2017 6:21:49 PM(UTC)
Rank: Newbie

Joined: 6/2/2014(UTC)
Posts: 61
Probably the reason that I am so apprehensive is that I've been botched and "saved" Its like I made a deal with the devil. When my horrible cheek implants (botch job) were removed, I vowed never to tamper with nature again. I've read many stories of botched people who are so disfigured from plastic surgery that they are housebound and even suicidal. They mourn their natural faces and beat themselves up for having beauty greed and trying to fix things that were never broken. That is the psychological aspect of the whole thing. Unless you have had a botch job you can't understand how traumatic it is. I was almost suicidal because I felt freakish. Luckily, my terrible surgery was reversed and now I look normal. That should be good enough right? It is risky having facelift surgery is all I'm saying and it's not to be taken lightly. I'm trying to explain my anxiety to some of you who might not understand where I'm coming from
Offline nightowl  
#10 Posted : Saturday, July 1, 2017 7:34:54 PM(UTC)
Rank: Member

Joined: 8/11/2014(UTC)
Posts: 278
I think it differs from person to person. I always considered myself average to slightly above average, and as I got older I didn't like seeing the beginning of sagging.
I had my surgery done for me and me alone, because I felt my face looked "untidy" and out of balance and it irritated me - sort of like a garden with weeds that you want to clean out, or a room that needs fresh paint and hardwood floors to replace old carpets and outdated colors. (I'm nit-picky and a perfectionist, so loose ends bug me.)

Personally I like flying under the radar and don't feel comfortable being too "visible".
As you say, your family and dogs will always love you no matter what, but the most important thing is for you to learn to love yourself, and from your post it seems you need to focus on loving and accepting yourself more.

Originally Posted by: Beholder Go to Quoted Post
I am average. Not ugly, though sometimes I do feel that way. My neck is sagging, my hair is thinning. I was pretty for a few years but mostly average my whole life. Those few years of feeling pretty were wonderful. It was fun seeing men turn their heads. Such power! Is that what we are afraid of losing? Well men don't turn their heads anymore. I am invisible. Why is that so terrible? I could have some bad plastic surgery and then the heads will turn again but for the wrong reason. My question is, why are we not accepting natural changes? Are we afraid of not being loved? My family will love me no matter what and my dogs will love me even if I look hideous. Do I want to impress strangers? Old friends? Old boyfriends? Is it beauty-greed? Is this why so many people with bad plastic surgery feel guilt? Just pondering the psyche



Offline Anya77  
#11 Posted : Tuesday, July 4, 2017 3:33:25 AM(UTC)
Rank: Member

Joined: 10/19/2008(UTC)
Posts: 531
Location: West Coast
Originally Posted by: Beholder Go to Quoted Post
Lazarelle

I feel like crying now because I know what you say is true. I don't want looks to matter but they do. Despite that, there are some very homely and old looking people who are very happy. My grandmothers were like that. I want to be like them but then again no way do I want to look like they did! By the way, I had bad acne and went on accutane also and I felt ugly in my early youth


Oh please don't cry; there's no "universal truth" outside of what you believe. One thing I've learned from being "attractive" is that I place/placed a ton of value on my looks and gave them the credit when I got jobs, men or freebies. There's no proof that this was the case. It could've just as easily been confidence or expecting good treatment and getting it. There are so many good looking people in the world that it's easier to develop some other quality actually. No one will ever be the prettiest; there's always someone prettier around the corner. If you have a family that loves you and especially children (in my case) you just kinda start to realize that there's more out there (much more) than looks. Also, I really think that people flock to other people based on how they make them feel; if you are a loyal and kind friend you will never be alone or feel worthless when your looks fade ( as they ALL do)
Offline MissJ  
#12 Posted : Tuesday, July 4, 2017 10:29:27 AM(UTC)
Rank: Administration

Joined: 5/14/2008(UTC)
Posts: 25,383
Well, I'm getting to the point where people look the other way.

Originally Posted by: Vivre Go to Quoted Post
I am also becoming invisible, and I hate it. The only advantage is that I can observe others in public spaces with more freedom.


If this post has been helpful, consider clicking on the link below and buying something from my f**king Amazon portal.

http://www.amazon.com/?t...surgery.com%2Fmissjforum



Offline Chris K  
#13 Posted : Wednesday, July 5, 2017 10:27:16 PM(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/17/2008(UTC)
Posts: 8,236
Woman
Location: miss j's board
I think everyone fantasizes about having their moment in time of glamour and beauty - the particulars of those fantasies are person specific.

Plastic surgery patients try to physically materialize those fantasies through tissue manipulation. It's the riskiest expression of a glamour fantasy because so much can go wrong. It's not like makeup and hair dye. But it tells you just how much most of us here want beauty.
Offline Larazelle  
#14 Posted : Thursday, July 6, 2017 12:01:55 AM(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 6/12/2008(UTC)
Posts: 2,896
Originally Posted by: Beholder Go to Quoted Post
Probably the reason that I am so apprehensive is that I've been botched and "saved" Its like I made a deal with the devil. When my horrible cheek implants (botch job) were removed, I vowed never to tamper with nature again. I've read many stories of botched people who are so disfigured from plastic surgery that they are housebound and even suicidal. They mourn their natural faces and beat themselves up for having beauty greed and trying to fix things that were never broken. That is the psychological aspect of the whole thing. Unless you have had a botch job you can't understand how traumatic it is. I was almost suicidal because I felt freakish. Luckily, my terrible surgery was reversed and now I look normal. That should be good enough right? It is risky having facelift surgery is all I'm saying and it's not to be taken lightly. I'm trying to explain my anxiety to some of you who might not understand where I'm coming from



Hey Beholder -

We all understand your anxiety as we are in the same boat as you!!

I think your awful implant experience has scared you - I do think that Implants have a greater potential for "trauma" as opposed to having a Facelift. Implants (especially cheek implants) can cause nerve injury - while facelifts, if done by a reasonably good surgeon has less margin for trauma. I had some trauma from my cheekbone implant surgery - (bruised nerve by mouth which gave me a lopsided smile for months) - which I have never had any injury with a facelift. So NOT TO WORRY....
Offline Nim  
#15 Posted : Thursday, July 6, 2017 4:20:27 PM(UTC)
Rank: Advanced Member

Joined: 5/28/2009(UTC)
Posts: 900
Beholder,.....You ask a lot of questions,......questions that have different answers for different people. "What are we afraid of?? " What is so terrible about becoming invisible?" "Are we afraid of not being loved?" I can only speak for myself...........

For those of us that were blessed with good looks, I think it is a real kick in the pants when men are no longer turning their heads to look at you. And it may not be that THAT is the reason we seek to get back our fading looks, but more of a "I want to continue to look like myself" attitude.

You ARE your good looks,....you LIKE the way you look,....so, the SAME way you would seek to remove hanging neck skin at 25, (if you suddenly woke up one day and saw a hanging lump of skin), you want to do this when you see hanging neck skin at 55 or 65,....because THAT is not what you are used to seeing on yourself! ............At least for some of us......

I do not think being invisible is so terrible for some people......I would think some are perfectly fine with it.....more of an issue for those that were looked at,......and now, are not......

But, you have to remember, looks only go so far. A person can turn heads, and be very boring, once you meet them..............The average guy or girl you do NOT notice in a crowd, can be interesting, fun and confident, making you want to see them again....and again.....
Skygirl5 from MMH
Users browsing this topic
Guest (2)
Previous Topic Next Topic
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.